How to be a Great Guest

I’m not talking about how to behave at the next house party, how to not throw up in the lap of the hot girl you’re talking to. Or how to not face plant when you’re running around the party in your boxers.

No. This is a guide on how to behave at your first dinner with your girlfriends’ parents, or in a tea party with queen Elizabeth. Either way you want to be your best and make a good impression.

Now, showing up is the easiest part. Make sure you’re there precisely on time. Like I said, this is not an occasion to show up ‘fashionably late.’

Your host told you to show up at this time, he made plans for the food to be ready before you got there. Don’t disappoint your host. Never.

Now when it comes to the dinner it self don’t be the guy that sits in the corner and doesn’t say a word. Be entertaining and overall fun. The ones that yap throughout the meal are boring however. Find your limit.

Now, when you’re done eating. Gained a few pounds and its time for your deposit to the comfort station: Courtesy-flush. Before you sit down take some paper and throw it in the toilet. With this you’ll avoid marks of feces and also the toilet wont turn into a fountain. Now when big brown hits the paper, flush. Don’t put all the money on the matches to cover up the smell. If you just let it lie there until you’ve finished reading a nice article in the awesome magazine of Heavy Hitters Magazine (Be Relentless be fearless, Issue 18), you WILL stink up the place. After that, wipe your ass until you can’t see any brown stains in the paper, wipe it once more. If you don’t…. Well lets just say the rest of the night wont be as pleasant.

When it comes to leaving. Leave. Don’t be intrusive. Know when to go.